The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
