I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
