I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
