Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You're a waste of cheezeits
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
