im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
