My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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