The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
