Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
