is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
