Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
