Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
