you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
