My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
