Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
