Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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