I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
