i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
