Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
