sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
