Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
