I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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