Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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