Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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