oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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