does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
