Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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