This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
