This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
