I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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