I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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