no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
