That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
