No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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