im drinking this country out of the recession.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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