She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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