After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
