First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
