I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
