True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
