whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
