I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
