You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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