I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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