I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
