That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
