Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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