Need sex. Gaining weight.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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