i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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