Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
