i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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