Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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