I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
