First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
