im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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