Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
