Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
