i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
