a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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